'Florida happens' - even in North Carolina
November 07,2004
MADISON TAYLOR
DAILY NEWS STAFF

The state Board of Elections, motto: "We generally pooh-pooh boo-boos large, small and in-between," issued an uncharacteristically stern order Friday. They did so to a previously little-known California company by the name of UniLect Corp. This is what the order said:

"Get your butts back here to Carteret County and we mean right now and with no dilly-dallying! But stop on the way and tear off a nice limb to make a switch. And it better be a good one!!"

That's not an exact quote but, well, it's close.

Now this was not particularly good news for UniLect Corp. - or the state of North Carolina and Carteret County for that matter. This is because when a California company with a name like UniLect Corp. gets widely known around these parts bad news is usually in close proximity. Lawyers, too.

And that'll likely be the case this time when the folks from UniLect Corp. arrive in scenic Beaufort no later than Monday to give the once-over to their suddenly Amazing Disappearing Ballot Electronic Voting Machine, which was apparently sold to Carteret County without much notice about the "Amazing Disappearing Ballot" function. Yes, like an unrepentant goat, UniLect's machine appears to have chowed down on 4,500 one-stop, no-excuses ballots cast prior to Election Day by Carteret County voters. Their mission is to find and hopefully retrieve those votes, which could help decide two way-up-in-the-air races on the Council of State - and maybe whether folks will ever trust electronic voting again.

So for the state Board of Elections, it's a weird form of Habeas Votus. For the techs at UniLect, it's a business-salvaging trip to Beaufort without any of the usual amenities tourists might find - unless, of course, they somehow determine the votes are entombed in the Old Burying Ground.

And for Carteret County it's a case of what's now commonly known as, "Florida happens."

Yes, "Florida happens" is the one election phrase still held over from 2000. It's a rather serious condition that, if listed in Webster's newest edition would read like this:

1. When your election goes kerflooey to the point that even alert state Rep. Robert Grady can't fix it. 2. A total meltdown on Election Night leading to mass hysteria often caused by state Rep. Robert Grady; and, 3. The practice of handing out stickers to people on Election Day that read, "But they told me I voted!"

Yes, since the demolition derby election of 2000 when "Florida happened" in, oddly enough, Florida itself, touching off charges of voting irregularities, election theft, near-destruction of the republic and complicity in the rejuvenation of Michael Moore's career, most communities spent the last four years hoping, praying and paying large sums of money in an attempt to keep "Florida happens" far from their towns.

Most thought, for example, that if Florida happened anywhere it would be right here in Onslow County where the Board of Elections was thought to be handicapped by the same punch card ballots that felled punch drunk Florida voters in 2000. But Florida didn't happen in Onslow County. For the record, Onslow's votes came in very late - meaning right on schedule and after alert state Rep. Robert Grady detected a glitch without causing mass hysteria.

And in the old days another likely suspect was Duplin County where representatives with the state Board of Elections used to book post-Election Day lodging months in advance. Today, however, Duplin is one of the more efficient election services, even posting results in real time on the Internet.

So Florida didn't happen there, either.

No, it happened, in of all places, Carteret County where most pundits thought computer voting would eliminate this "Florida happens" deal once and for all. And why not? Since 1996 when Carteret County went to electronic voting, it's had nary a hitch. Now, county elections officials say the problem rests within the memory of the machine itself. Company reps told the county the machines could store 10,000 votes. Whether that's the whole story or not will perhaps never be known but what Carteret found out the hard way Tuesday was that the machine seems to get a tad forgetful at just over 3,000.

So the folks with UniLect will come to Beaufort and try to sort this mess out, hopefully before a fleet of lawyers arrive - even though such a thing could be a good fall boost to the tourism economy.

And this electronic voting thing isn't going away. By 2006 everybody has to put a system like it in place. For the most part it'll mean quicker and more efficient elections.

But every now and again, well, "Florida happens." That's not going to change.

Just hope it doesn't happen in your town.